Recently, I had the misfortune of sitting through the movie 'Dabangg'. We were gullible. We fell into the PR and marketing web weaved by the film makers. It just does not live up to all that hype and hoopla - Not even remotely close.

Firstly, the script turns out to be a damp squib - somewhat hollow and lacking in creativity. Much like a dish hastily put together that is not particularly delectable. A fusion of unscrupulous local politics and a glorified family fued (there seems to be no worthy reason as to why the fued should amplify, but to drag the movie on). An item number is also squeezed in that could have been done without. Further, it leaves you with a touch of antuquity. In a stark contrast, Peepli [Live] that is shot entirely in a country setup, and has a rural dialect does not leave you with such a taste. Perhaps, this is because of the lack of stuff in the script.

Secondly, Sallu's style does not carry the movie too far - contrary to what the makers would have expected. As for the stunts, the bar has already been set very high by none other than Rajani Sir; anybody else, it can only be an attempt to imitate at best. Also, you wont fail to notice The Matrix slow motion stunt being plagiarized by yet another flick.

However, few things stand out in an otherwise hollow production - some RoI to be content with. Sonu Sood (who plays Chhedi Singh) deserves a pat on the back - an almost impeccable performance. Could we forget the fresh face - one that is as fresh as the morning dew! An oasis in a desert (not a mirage) ;-) She manages to spell her sensuous magic and compensate for the lesser dialog space allocated to her.

From the box office perspective, it seems to have raked in big moolah. In fact, posting record earnings in the opening week itself. Quite contrary to what I had to say. In the end -- one might say -- the box office success is all that matters, who cares if it bores the audiences to death!

Having worked for more than a year in an environment ‘infected’ by Agile virus, where dogmatic managers don the role of Agile evangelists, preaching the Agile religion – blessing the faithful souls and forcibly converting the other hapless infidels, I have come to believe that Agile is not the way to go; for, the reasons are one too many. Wary that I might incur a curse from the Agile priests, I venture out to indulge in blasphemy.

Agile is all about developing software iteratively, with iteration spanning a few weeks and involving the whole community (clients, who consume the deliverables, testers, documentation writers, UI designers…), throughout. Making frequent deliveries is meant to add value to the customers and somehow enable you to deliver in ‘Internet Time’. Further, it would also enable the team to cope with changes in requirement, and in minimizing the risk.

No Panacea
This is like the software development conundrum has been cracked; “Software development is easy! Huh?” Perhaps, they have happily forgotten or never heard about the ‘No Silver Bullet’ prophecy.

Of course, the whole idea seems noble. But, that iteration thingy is nothing but a small project in itself – starting from requirements and design, to coding and testing, and making a full-fledged release (with all that bureaucracy involved). It does make life more miserable, for one has to bear the stress that is involved with an official release. It is much more than just checking in code, and running some test scenarios.

Mad rush
Quicker releases need not necessarily imply qualitative releases. To satiate the ever-demanding customer and the greedy management, iterations are packed with new features to be delivered; and, resolving bugs take a back seat. Again, the hapless developers come under heavy pressure.

It is a mad rush out there. These companies have become factories producing sprinters that are just happy to run, and run faster. The only purpose of their existence is achieving the iteration milestones. Nobody has enough time to mull over various design alternatives, let alone writing a spec. At any point of time, a kind of reply would be “Well, that is how it would eventually be, an independent adaptor. But, for the current milestone, such a dependency would be acceptable. We are yet to figure out how to realize interaction with such an adaptor”. Things are never in a reasonably presentable shape.

Chaos Reigns
Come next milestone, the whole idea would have changed. Adaptor concept is now replaced with a full-fledged pluggable framework - A new layer of abstraction that is generic; for, it can allow third party tools to plug in as well. Isn’t that cool? Obviously, this means, trash all that you have done until now and write more code for this coolest feature. Yeah, you are privileged enough to be working on coolest framework!! Needless to say, this would eat away few more milestones in the schedule. In bigger projects, such scenarios show up almost every milestone, messing up the whole thing. Chaos rules!

Couple this style of development with globally distributed projects, and it’s an implosive mixture, capable of bringing down the project or transform it into a treacherous beast. Of course, each of these sites would like to be credited with the delivery of the coolest feature, and on time. There is more to it; teams are keen to prove they are worthy and that they can design ‘independently’. Why else do they need those fancy-titled architects for? Yet, nobody has that single big picture. All in all, the conceptual integrity takes a beating. Naturally, the seamless user experience or quality of product suffers.

There is every chance that one of those Agile bigots around might stumble upon this article. Fearing that, they would barge in anytime, fully armed, and that I have incurred their wrath, am reserving the rest of my Agile thoughts for some other time.

Shhh!! Time to put on that Agile-loving mask and wear a friendly smile! :-)

Yes, am at it again! And, it is more likely that I do it again, and again and again…

Life has presented me such overwhelming experiences and with such an alarming recurrence that it beats my restraint. Humanity has elevated womanhood to an almost divine status, for she plays a mother. But, certain other characteristics mask this gift of nature and undermine their venerated status.

Here are some of the feminine traits that I have observed. Not that it is only restricted to feminine gender, but that it is more profound with females - they have these traits almost built into their DNA; their genes are only mutated, if they didn’t possess these traits.

Before that, let me clarify a few things. Not that I have pursued it with such academic interest, but my (sensitive) nose could not help but pick up some of the stinking smell. Did you say “You do not have a girl friend. Yeah, Grapes are sour!”? Actually, unlike that fox, I have never tried for the 'grapes', so far :-)

Conceit: Usually, females consider themselves somewhat superior beings – not just superior to males, but superior to some of the fellow females. More so when it comes to a relationship; they consider themselves as a ‘prize’ that has to be impressed upon and ‘won’! Haven’t you heard them say “Are you trying to impress me?”

With such deep-rooted narcissism in them, it is by no means a fair argument that the society at large has viewed women as objects of desire; for they seem to corroborate this notion, themselves, subconsciously.

It is here that their airs of (false) superiority is out for display. No wonder relationships are fragile. In fact, most relationships get nipped in budding stage – it is all over, even before you could be a potential friend.

Should you invite them for coffee their ‘weird-wired’ brain will decode the invitation as ‘is he asking me out?’ or something to that effect. What’s more disgusting is that they are not willing to come along even for the treat they demanded!!! Perhaps, it would demean their personality, if people were to notice her walking beside you. You are expected to play a faithful aide and provide service to the door step. “Your royal highness, your coffee is served”. My foot!! If you comply, you are reduced to a poodle (observe the marked shift in their behavior thereafter); and, if you don’t, you are dubbed insensitive and uncaring – a double-edged knife!

The world (read as the civilized world, not to ignore the despicable crimes against women) has been so very generous to women, beyond what they deserve – under the pretext of gentle behavior. To name a few instances where womanhood brings privilege – in case of an emergency, women and children are ushered to a safer place first; a man is supposed to kneel down and propose to a women; it is considered more inhumane, if a hijacker were to kill a woman - Does it make any difference? Is the knife or bullet any less penetrative on a man’s skin? Where is equality?

Haughtiness: Again, perhaps because of biological reasons, they posses remarkably sharp tongue. They do it with such ease that I am tempted to think that their tongue is probably a lump of involuntary muscle and that it would twist itself the way it liked, without much ‘interference’ from their brain. Or is it the way that they manifest their ego?

Probably, snubbing guys provides them with ample sadistic pleasure. “Do not go near that bike. I mean it!” (an oblique reference to the guy who owns the bike or who is standing near the bike), they warn their kids. “Mom, why are you so late? I was waiting to close the door”, she quips to her mom, who arrived late while she was left chatting with him (meaning, she was least interested in talking to him).

According to the book ‘Why Men Don’t Listen and Why Women Can’t Read Maps’ (my review of that book here), indirect speech is an innate attribute of women.

Actually, blame it on those hormones, females are ‘innocent’!! ;-)

Lack of Promptness: When it comes to some not-so-serious matters, they gleefully nod their head to do something, but when it comes to implementing it, they are far from realizing it. Worse yet even after reminding, they are blissfully ignorant. For heaven’s sake, why can’t they refuse it in the first place? Or is it that their indirect speech is coming into play when they accept it, which they actually meant not to? Or do they have poor memory?

Pretence: If you find it hard to define ’pretence’, just point towards a female nearby, and that should help you explain it – for they exemplify it.

Supposedly they belong to human race. And, one would expect that they would have their likes and dislikes? No matter how much they like someone, their sense of superiority complex holds them off; let alone acknowledge it, they would actually refute it.

Praise-loving: Females go high on praise, almost to inebriation, as if they are drugged. Not just that, they love it to no length (and depth), and expect it too! Poor guy, he must play a priest!

Lack of navigation skills: They severely lack some basic skills – like crossing the road, traffic sense, sense of direction etc. Almost 'N' number of times (where, 'N' -> infinity), I have applied brakes just to prevent from ramming into some damn female, who does not know how to cross the street. And, what drives me nuts is that they start giggling after this.

Shopaholic: Almost all women are shopaholics. The consumer industry and credit card houses would not be thriving, but for the shopping craze that women possess. No wonder they like rich and powerful.